My True Blood Party, Soundtrack courtesy of Better Than Ezra

So have you started planning your party yet? While I may have to wait until summer, I am already planning the beverages, the dinner and now I am working on the soundtrack. While it is not a secret that Better than Ezra is the worlds greatest band (if by now you haven't seen them live you really really should), I am currently engaged in requesting/harassing HBO in regards to adding them to the list of musical wonder that is a great big part of the True Blood experience. I mean, just ask Jace Everett. While phone calls and letters are both ways to effectively stalk/annoy, I have enlisted the fabulous social media cocktail that is Twitter to beat them into submission. My most recent tweet fodder is as follows:

@HBO how about Lafayette's new beau takes him salsa dancing and they dance to Like It Like That by @betterthanezra?

@HBO how about playing Breathless by @betterthanezra when Sookie and Eric consumate their relationship? :) 9:32 AM Jan 21st from web

@hbo how about @betterthanezra sing "Juicy" live at Fangtasia with vamp gogo dancers?

@hbo what about playing One More Murder by @betterthanezra in the background next time Sookie finds a dead body? Excellent idea. :)

@HBO so when will we see @betterthanezra on True Blood? It's a perfect fit. :)

I am actually surprised this hasn't occurred to anyone else, but two seasons have flown by and still the greatest Louisiana ambassadors have not been represented. For all I know, this could already be in the works, but I will continue my effort. I took Middle Monkey to a show at the end of the year and getting a text from her, front row, center stage when they started "Allison Foley" that said "!!!!!!!!" was about the greatest thing ever. (And my fav song no less). You Probably know Better Than Ezra from Extraordinary or Juicy but they are also great humanitarians, advocates for rebuilding New Orleans and just about some of the funniest guys around. Even Taylor Swift thinks so! Check them out or meet me at a show, mkay?

Not on the True Blood bandwagon yet? Let me help. I submit for your perusal, Mr. Eric Northman.


Wait ladies, there is more, (as there should be)...turns out (known by his real name) Alexander Skarsgard has been voted sexiest man in Sweden a ridiculous amount of times and has provided so many options to view his intellect, his humor, and um, his man parts, that we should all bow down to the visionary Swedes. Oh yeah, thank the god of your choice for bringing him to our shores! Woot!

If you haven't been infected by the True Blood virus, check out the first season on DVD, second season is following soon, and don't forget to try some of the tasty beverage yourself.

Mmmmm mmmmm mmmm. (insert additional gratuitous picture for effect)






Right, I thought so. And read the books! Can't wait for that shower scene. Woot!

Day 19, 20 and 21: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

So Friday, Monday and Tuesday I get through my work out but not without its problems. The weekends are kicking my ass even more.

Everyone has a schedule and mine is not part of their consideration so usually I am running around like a crazy person. I also tend to like to sleep in, I get off my every three hours of eating and for sure, I have no desire to push so hard. This weekend I went looking for different methods to keep me up and moving. Saturday I worked on a Tai Chi for Beginners video. I really like it a lot but for whatever reason, don't use it often. You get far more heated doing Tai Chi than you would think with the movements being so subtle. If you are doing it correctly, you will definitely feel your body heat up. Nevertheless, there definitely is a place for Jillian. My oldest is getting ready to fly the coop, stressing me to no end so the hard workout really comes in handy on those days. I added in my Sa Ta Na Ma for this reason too and I am on my day 6 of my next 40 day cycle. I know that will help.

Just wish it was moving along faster. I know, I know, I've only been at it 21 days, I am aware of this. Regardless, I am one impatient bitch. UGH.

Day 18: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

This is day two on level two. There is an old Army saying that is something like if you don't puke after running PT, you didn't push hard enough.

I guess this is why Jillian makes me want to throw up.

It was really bad the first week I started and began to taper off a bit but then starting up on level two, I am in full trying-not-to-throw-up mode. Yikes. I guess I am pushing myself the right amount. The plank stuff is KILLING me and this plank twist stuff is nuts. A few of these new exercises make me feel VERY uncoordinated.

Adding in the protein shake after the workout yesterday seemed to really help keep my energy level up. I know that is sometimes the biggest issue when people start working out and eating "healthy" is that they are not getting enough protein. The chocolate shake Muscle Milk (you can get this at Costco cheaper and with a 1/2 lb more powder) with a teaspoon of Hershey's syrup, a little bit of banana and ground flax is perfect. Also, pretty yummy, healthy and 26 grams of protein. Working on some new recipes for those so stay tuned. By the way, the easiest way to make sure I am actually doing this is to make it the night before, pour it in a Blender Bottle and pop it in the fridge. You need the protein intake within 30 minutes after a workout and that is fast, keeping you from having the hassle of making something. In a week or so, I think I will add another one in the afternoon.

Just bought trainer Bob's yoga video. I think I am going to add this in a few days a week and use it on days when I am thinking I don't want to exercise. I think I am going to try it today so I will let you know. He seems like a lot less scary than Jillian.

I'm just saying.

Day 17: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

I have proof.

Jillian is trying to kill me and I can prove it.

But let's back up a bit...teenagers are also trying to kill me of course, that is if I don't kill them first. It's been a stressful few days dealing with kid drama and today was going to be the death of me. Then lovely, supportive BF said, "You know what you need to do? Go work out and yell as loud as you can at Jillian. Scream, pump your fists and just give her holy hell." ::ding:: Brilliant idea.

Since I was so over-stressed this morning, I figured what the hell, I am gonna do level 2 today. Okay, I tried that before and swore off it but today seemed where the perfect motivation met the appropriately strenuous workout. I haven't figured out why in most of this workout, Jillian deems it necessary to have us in the plank position for various, body twisting moves but it made me sweat. Unfortunately, because I was so accustomed to level 1, I had significant problems transitioning to one or the other or figuring out what the hell was going on. Lets face it, I am either insane by this point, partially retarded or both. I looked and felt like and idiot but I sweated, and that is what I needed most today. Then, just about the time I was going to join the freakin' Jillian Michaels for President club, she said it. She said it OUT LOUD. Halfway through the very last set of cardio she said it:

"BY NOW, YOU SHOULD FEEL LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!"

Ah ha! I have told you, repeatedly about her masochistic behavior. I have provided evidence of her zombie workout infection virus thingy, I DID LEVEL TWO TODAY FOR GOD'S SAKE. But there it is...she WANTS YOU TO FEEL LIKE YOU WILL DIE. I mean who does that?

What kind of person is she? ::shudder:: She's scary, freaks me the frak out.

Day 16: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

Jesus.

My boobs are missing. Like, Jillian stole them...of course I don't realize this until I am full on in the middle of dumbbell rows when it hits me. I can pull them all the way up without hitting side boob. My first impulse is "woot" and then "what a bitch." Of all the places to start loosing the weight does it have to be my boobs? Not what I was hoping for. More in a long list of Jillian's elaborate torture methods and why my life sucks. What a bitch.

Pushing a little harder, thinking of going from the 2 lb weights to the 5 lb weights by the end of the week, even if it kills me. We will see. Not sure if that is better or worse than going to level 2. Trust me, level 2 looks pretty fucking bad.

Thinking of adding yoga in tomorrow, or maybe the stripper work out. Yeah, that's it, stripper work out it is. At least we know I have the shoes...bow chica bow wow.

Little Monkey Keeps Growing

Little Monkey has been gone for the weekend and despite getting her back tomorrow, I still miss her like crazy. If you weren't here for the start of the blog, this is the story here. I penned a few, number two is here, so in honor of her, I figured I would post number three.

Mango Tango teaches Dance

In a very hot place, in a very tiny house, the ruler of frogs, toads and all creatures that hop, was sticking her toes in the pond. The day seemed to be dragging, getting hotter and hotter every minute, so heading to the water was the only thing to do to cool off. Emma Delaney hiked up her fairy dress and started to wade in when she heard a big splash. She looked up to see Mango, dancer dog extraordinaire, swimming towards her.

“Hello Mango Tango. How are you today?”

“Very hot, Princess Emma. This weather can make me most disagreeable.” Mango climbed onto the shore on Emma’s side of the pond and shook furiously to get rid of every last water droplet.

Emma climbed out of the pond. “That is a pretty cool trick Miss Mango. I wish I was a dancer dog so I could do that too.”

Mango laughed. “You don’t have to be a dancer dog to shake, you just have to be all loosey goosey like this.” Mango stood on her back legs and did a hula for the Princess.

“That’s funny. Let me try.” Emma then imitated the hula, all the way down to the wagging tail. Mango dropped down to all fours because she was laughing so hard.

“I think that is pretty good, Emma Delaney. I am headed back to my studio to pick out music for my next class, would you like to come with me and help? I keep the air conditioning down really low so it’s nice and chilly. I am here only for a bit of exercise, I swim to keep my dancer’s legs.” Mango stretched out one of her big yellow legs to show off the muscles.

“I would love to join you Miss Mango. It is awfully hot out today.”

The pair walked up the hill to the little blue house with daisies out front. It had round windows and a stone path and seemed altogether like a lovely place to live. Emma followed Mango Tango to the front porch and into the hall.

“Here is my studio.” Mango pointed with her paw to the right. “If you would like to go and get started, I will go get us some lemonade.”

“Yummy, I love lemonade.”

Emma opened the studio door. It was a big room with mirrors on the wall, a bar along one side and a wooden floor. There were stacks and stacks of music to look through so Emma sat down by one pile and started rummaging through. In her house, her mom, Queen of the Universe, loved music and played it all the time. There was always laughing, giggling and dancing which made her house altogether a lovely place to live.

“Here you go little one.” Mango returned carrying a tray of treats, lemonade and a vase with a sweet pea blossom.

“This is a lovely tray Mango. I was just having tea with Old Toad the other day and he is rather fond of sweet peas too.”

“Well, Miss Emma, I rather hope they helped him smell a bit better.”

Emma smiled and then told Mango Tango about the really great idea Miss Halloween, Queen of all Actual Cats had.

“My! That is a great idea! I may have to come by and visit Toad myself now, it has been a long time. Have you found any music you like?”

“I think I like them all, that’s the problem.”

“Well, let’s start playing things and see where we end up, okay. Why don’t you look in the trunk over there and find the perfect tutu for a Princess.”

Emma ran to the trunk. This is so exciting! She stopped a moment staring at all the candy colored creations…what was the perfect tutu for a Princess? She moved the around until she saw it, at the very bottom. Pink, green, ribbon and beads, it was the prettiest thing she had ever seen. She quickly tied it around her waist and hurried back to Mango’s side.

“Okay, let’s get started.” Mango reached over and pushed a disc into the player.

‘it’s a beautiful night to be here…’

Emma recognized the song. “I know that song, it’s my mothers favorite song.”

“Well the Queen obviously has good taste in music. This is a possibility; we will put it on our list. I will be teaching a modern dance class so something a little peppy and a little rock and roll would be good.”

“Oh I know!” Emma grabbed a disc and put it in the player.

‘where would we be if we couldn’t dream’

The song played and Mango Tango tapped a paw. “This is a good idea Emma.” She turned up the sound and began to leap around the room, doing twirls and twists in between. Emma clapped and tapped and giggled too.

“Come on Princess, dance! Just do what the music makes you feel like doing.”

Emma joined Mango Tango, mimicking her twirls, trying her leaps and laughing loudly. They shimmied, slid, ran and bounced. Mango called out the names of movements but Emma was having way too much fun to hear any thing she said. She listened to the music, danced and spun, leapt and glided across the floor. When the music ended, they both fell on the floor in one tired heap of fun.

“Oh Miss Mango, that is the most fun I have had all day I think. It was so hot out and I was so bored, I didn’t know being inside could be so fun!”

“Well little one, you are welcomed to dance here any time. Would you like to keep your tutu for dancing at your house?”

“Oh could I?” Emma sat up and looked at the very tired, big, yellow dancing dog.

“Certainly you may, ruler of frogs, toads and all creatures that hop. I think you even became a better hopper today than you were yesterday!”

“You are right! I never though hopping could be so much fun. Now I have a few things to show Miss Kiwi, the silliest hopper in the kingdom.” Emma was excited to learn something new and couldn’t wait to share with her other friends.

“That will be funny, please take pictures. You will need to bring Kiwi here sometime and let her pick out the perfect tutu for a silly hopper.”

“Oh that is a great idea! Thank you again Miss Mango. I can’t wait to show my mother what I learned too.” Emma was jumping up and down, apparently becoming a hopper in her own right now.

“Please give my regards to the Queen, Miss Emma. I am going to get ready for my class now. Have fun dancing at your house.”

Emma jumped up and down more. “I will, I always do! Bye Mango!”

So the Princess of frogs, toads and all creatures that hop ran out of the little blue house with daisies, in a pink and green flash, down the stone path, turned at the bent old tree, and ran down the lane to the tiny house, in a very hot place. Eager to teach everyone what she knew, she turned up the music and told everyone in her kingdom that staying inside on a very hot day can be a good idea with the right tutu.

The End

Days 14-16: 30 Day Shred With Jillian Michaels

OMG. It's been a crazy four day weekend!

Thursday: I had obligated to help my mom early in the morning which extended into most of the day so I didn't get a chance to work out until really late. I have found when I push off the workout until late, I continue to have issues with endurance and the volume of which I complete that late. Mental note, avoid that at all costs.

Friday: Up uber-early trying to get everyone packed for their various trips. Having to meet with Little Monkey's dad for her visitation with him always stresses me out. If I thought about it logically, working out EARLY in the morning would have helped get rid of some of the stress. Obviously, logic wasn't on the brain. Two hours later I pack out BF and Middle Monkey for a hunting trip. By then I am exhausted and still stressed but fortunately was meeting Psychobillygirl for a movie and try to forget some of the day. We saw It's Complicated, very funny. Totally blew off working out that day.

Saturday: Slept late. Caught up on last season of U.S. of Tara, last season of Secret Diary of a Call Girl and some Psych. Took a nap in there somewhere. Grateful for time where its quiet and I am not required to do anything for anyone but REALLY miss the BF. Work out late again. This is when it sinks in, I will not do that again.

Sunday: Set the alarm for early, get up, get dressed and work out right away before doing anything. Feel winded but get through everything pretty well. Thinking of adding another video in after my workout with Jillian. Start researching some of my old favorites to see if they were released to DVD. More on that later. Still a ton to do and its not even 9 yet. SO glad I got the workout in early. ::big pat on the back::

Have a great week!

Day 13: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

So I screwed up my streak yesterday...I didn't work out. ::GASP:: I felt like crap when I woke up and thought since even God rested, I can take every 13th day off. So there. I rested, stayed pretty still and woke up this morning thinking that I did not want to get out of bed. So you know what that means?

I am insane. Officially, need to be locked up. ::mental note to call Psychobillygirl for help::

I got up and exercised. Earlier, harder, even though I felt like crap. I am too afraid to go more than one day off because I am not sure I would get back at it. I am committed or need to be committed. I can't figure out which one yet. OH! And some clarification...this is not a New Year's Resolution (I don't do those...still working my list of intentions) but actually the result of a conversation with my BF about a pair of shoes. I won't disclose said conversation but the shoes are definitely at fault because they gave me an idea. So basically, while I blame Jillian for making me miserable each morning, this is really Kim Kardashian's fault.



I will try to not gush about the shoes too much other than a few things that made me feel a great big WOW...beautifully packaged when I received them, two colors of tissue paper and a shoe bag for your new pair of super excellent shoes. Aside from a fab idea, you can choose your shoes or choose not to get one every month. I cleaned out my closet when I got them, threw out 15 pairs of my previously owned shoes to make room for many pairs from Shoe Dazzle to come. So yeah, thanks Kim. Jillian is going to make me spend money on bikinis and you on shoes...like I needed this! UGH.

WHAT I AM EATING:

I gave you my modified modifications last time and I have had a couple of questions regarding food. Over the last year, our whole house has made significant changes in our eating habits. We are trying to buy local as often as possible, severely restricting our red meat intake, fish at least twice a week, everything cooked from scratch that we can possibly handle. (This year my biggest project is learning the art of cooking bread and pastries.) One of my biggest changes has been that I now eat 5 or 6 times a day. This has been a huge boost for both how I feel and my energy levels. That being said, with working out more you have to up your intake of fuel and protein. I eat a ton of chicken and tuna but one of my favorite things is something my kids think is weird, I call it fridge salad.



It is so easy that you will use this as your go to thing. I think in America, we fall too much to stuff that goes in the microwave (and generally is NO GOOD for you. This is something that really requires very little prep and its whatever you have on hand. I do use greens when I have them but the run out or wilt so fast that I have come to use this as my preference. In this bowl I have put grape tomatoes, peeled baby carrots, green olives, walnuts, cranberries, crumbled Stilton cheese. When I have them, I chop a whole cucumber or bell pepper, add in chunks of chicken or grilled shrimp. My absolute favorite dressing is Paul Newman's Family Italian and I use a tablespoon of that then splash on my own olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Good stuff, good fiber and will keep you full for hours. This also works with cereal in the morning if you want something healthy fast. I mix some Honey Nut Cherrios, some Fiber One, whatever flavor of Special K I have, adding in chopped pecans, cranberries and a spoon of zip code honey. YUM.

Have a fabulous day and make it count!

Day 12: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

Well I am officially insane.

I talk back to Jillian today...OUTLOUD.

JM: "I know you are getting tire...blah...blah...blah...big finish."

QOTU: "Yes, I am fucking tired, woo hoo! Woo hoo!"

All the animals look at me, confused as to what the ruckus is really about.

Push a little on cardio and I am dying from it now. Back to knees hurting as do my arms.

Yeah Monday! Yeah! (yes, totally faking this)

Ok, off to do all the regular Monday stuff. Have a great week!

Day 10 and 11: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

Day 10:

woo hoooooooo! Never in a million friggin years did I think I would EVER GET THIS FAR! I have a very full day so I hit it early (actually for me its late because I usually get up at 4 AM) around 6 so I can get done and shower. We have errands, an outdoor show and a memorial service to attend so I won't really have the opportunity to slow down for about 12 hours. For the first time in a while, I notice that it doesn't bother me and my body doesn't ache for all the running and going.

So I will say it. THANK YOU JILLIAN. (I actually mean it that time) I celebrate with a cheeseburger. (Just cause I think it would irritate the shit out of her) Go me. :)

Day 11:

Another wicked busy day. I am up around 6 but have other things to do now. Boyfriend and Middle Monkey are headed on a hunting trip Friday and Little Monkey goes to visit her dad for the weekend so it's serious laundry time. I like to work ahead but the kids are perfectly willing to wait until the night before they leave to wash and pack. None of that since there's three people headed out on Friday. Leave at 10 for church, back around 1, cook, eat with the family, sort through camping and hunting gear instead of taking a nap like I wanted to.

FYI, working out on your period really sucks.

I mean, its annoying on many levels but it has helped me from most of the issues I would normally have. Still running a bit of a fever but it pretty much feels like working out does so no big deal. Despite a long list I developed by 4 PM of why I WOULD NOT WORK OUT JUST ONE DAY, I do it any way. Fuck it. I don't even know why I fight the urge any more. I am gonna do it and in part because I know if I take one day off, I will probably convince myself to take two. At that point, it will probably be ridiculously hard to get started again. Can't let that happen. I am looking at bikinis after all!

I know some folks do the 10-10-10 method. Maybe it works for someone that really doesn't have far to go. I am not a weight lifter, I am not a runner, and my knees are still clickety clack when I put stress on them. I think 30 days on each level is just going to work better for me. I don't want to tear anything. Around day 15, I might try to mix it up a bit by trying level 2 again, but for the most part now, I am concentrating on form and trying to get my exercises to at least mirror what the person in the modified position on the video is doing (remember I am modifying the modified position...lol).

HERE IS WHERE I HAD TO MAKE ALTERATIONS:

All abs: Jillian shrieks "Your neck is not invited to this party!" No shit, but sometimes, its like that asshole roommate that just "happens" to show up every where you do on a Saturday night. For me, I have to do ad exercises with my hands on my stomach. I look at the ceiling and concentrate on contracting my abs and lifting my chest up towards the ceiling on a crunch. I use my hands to actually feel my muscles contract and make this work. I don't know why, but any time I am told to put my hands behind my neck or on my head for crunches, somehow I always pull with my neck and strain myself. Weird, but just something I have learned to adapt to work for me.

Jumping exercises: I am able to do all the jumping jacks now (who wouldn't with Jillian bellowing "400 lb people can do this"...what choice do I have) but it still kills my knees. She has too more jumping/hopping type exercises and I have not progressed to being able to do them all the way through without pain. For her butt kick, instead of hopping from foot to foot, I alter by doing it from ball of my foot on one site to ball of my foot on the other side, kicking myself in the butt with a back kick, just eliminating the jump that is harsh on my knees. For the jump rope, I do the upper body move as she asks but either do the butt kick with my legs as I have modified it or run in place. Both are less painful on my knees that are still clicking. Hopefully by the end of 30 days that will have improved.

Push ups: I have now progressed to doing three of these on each set of reps in the modified pose. I proceed with the remainder by just being on my knees and going through the push up motion with my upper body only. This can be done against the wall as well until you build up enough strength to start doing the push ups. Eleven days ago, I couldn't do one push up in the modified position, now I can do three very shaky ones. I am excited to see what Day 30 brings! Woot!

As a result of Jillian's workout infection, my arms are now killing me.

Way to go Jillian! (I don't really mean that one...I am bitter and angry about my new toned arms).

Day 9: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

Blech.

I am sleepy. Ridiculously so. Don't feel like working out so I pretty much think of anything AT ALL I can do other than workout. Ugh. I relent by 1130 because its bothering me. This is starting to freak me out.

I pretty much have never done anything in my whole life this many days in a row other than eat, sleep and pee. I thought it took 21 days to form a habit, not 9? The upside I am seeing here is that though I am in full PMS mood, I have virtually no symptoms. So, to sum it up, Jillian is so scary that PMS runs away screaming.

Zombie workout virus, I swear.

Day 8: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

Holy shit.

I think I am...wait for it:

TOTALLY HOOKED. Ugh. I looked at bikinis. Previous me would suggest I be shot for doing so but this zombie infected Jillian-ite not only is looking at them but considering what tattoo will cover my childbearing stretch marks on my stomach.

This is bad.

I realize my only hope here is it smash the damn DVD. Bust it into pieces with a hammer. Physically, I can't bring myself to do it. Furthermore, I consider I actually feel like PUKING just at the thought of it. What. Have. I. Done.

I realize all of this today, not because I am compelled to exercise, not because I can get through more reps, but what I saw when I moved the cat. Something popped out of my forearm and scared the shit out of me. I had to study it, touch it and look at it twice. It was ::gasp:: my brachioradialis. Brachio what you say? It's the "picker upper muscle" for those of you that are slow to realize you can click the link and get the official description. When going through training as an RMT, I was pretty accustomed to seeing the Flexor carpi radialis (or as I like to call it, the "quick waving when you are trying to get by someone and avoid any personal interaction" muscle). WEIRD.

Not really sure what I think of this. Then I realize I must be okay with it because I am looking at this and this and I want a pair of these.

So to sum it up, Jillian is trying to force me into financial ruin. I am compelled to buy new stuff, in 8 days I remind you. Never would have thought this was possible nine days ago!

Day 7: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

I am officially infected.

I put off working out to run errands and I am in Kroger to pick up stuff and hear Jillian in my head saying:

JM: What the fuck are you doing?

QOTU: Well I thought when I took Little Monkey to school and was already...

JM: Stop right the fuck there. First mistake, thinking on your own. Second mistake, not submitting to the zombie virus. You will now be punished with bleeding eye sockets and explosive diarrhea.

QOTU: ::quickly head to the pharmacy for Visine and Imodium::

Okay, so I am working on a blog for saving money for all my friends that can use it but I have to stop everything, put away the fridge stuff and run to the DVD player to work out in hopes of lessening the severity of my symptoms my sloth has generated. Bravely, I think, oh, I am feeling it, let's try level 2! Woot!

WTF ever. This was stupid. I am still in modified modified positions in level one so half way through the warm up in level two I realize there's no way in God's green earth I am gonna get through this. Disc menu, Level 1, proceed. Thank you.

I am sure that was my punishment. Reminding me I am still barely a tadpole in the Jillian Michaels pool.

Day 6: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

Not all sports bras are created equal.

Just saying.

Still modifying some exercises but finding myself completing more reps, more correctly. As a result, REALLY feeling exhausted today. I keep trying to remind myself that this should be a good thing...lol

So boyfriend asks:

BF: "Aren't you over-exaggerating, is she really yelling?"

QOTU: "Uh, yes, she hates me."

BF: "Oh, okay." ::Walks off rolling his eyes::

Okay, so his ass doesn't get up and do this so right now, I am the subject matter expert. So there.

Noticing the cardio today is killing me, not sure what that's about.

BTW, Jillan totally hates me. Seriously.

Day 4 & 5: 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels

So, I have decided that Jillian, with her infectious zombie work out virus, is trying to sabotage my car. She would like it if all I had to do all day is stay home and work out. You need proof?

Sunday: Wake up an a ridiculous hour for a weekend, drink coffee, do my workout, new stuff hurts, some things are easier, still need to stand out on the porch to cool down because I feel like I will puke. Eating cereal by myself since the cat was smart enough to realize he didn't even want to be out there. Look over at my car about half way through my cereal, boom, flat tire. Boyfriend takes it off, looks at it, boom, bent rim on the inside.

Great.

On a Sunday.

Monday: Got someone working on locating an original rim at a salvage place, get up, do my workout, pack lunch for Little Monkey, go out to start the car to warm it up, boom, dead battery.

WTF Jillian? I can't stay with you all day. Even though I am feeling better, completing more reps, and having greater endurance, this has got to stop!

Damn it Jillian. Just leave me alone.

Day 3: 30 Days with Jillian Michaels

UGH.

It should be easier after three days, yes? I wake up an hour late (I know, God forbid on a Saturday I actually sleep) and get cracking.

Literally. I sound like friggin' RoboCop. I know you are thinking here, "oh Queen, thou doth exaggerate too much." No. I. Am. Not. Crackle, crackle, pop, pop, like Rice Krispies on crack. I have spent the last year testing nearly all the Glucosamine pills (I can't swallow 4 a day or huge ones) and drinks (most are thick and nasty).



The only things I have found I can tolerate is Joint Juice waters and concentrate and Emergen C Joint Health. In this house, we have used Emergen C products for about 5 years and I submit, its the reason no one is ever really sick and when one of us does get sick, it passes pretty quickly. I am hoping that in a few weeks of exercise and supplements, the RoboCop noise in my knees will decrease. Quite honestly, it freaks me out and is largely the reason I have to modify the jumping exercises. But I digress...

I open the bedroom door post-workout and look at my boyfriend while I am trying to remember to breathe:

QOTU: She hates me.

BF: (Laughing) It will get easier, your body has to get used to it.

QOTU: She is trying to kill me.

BF: Sure, okay, whatever. (Laughing)

He doesn't realize she YELLS and she is a mind reader. When you are tired and thinking I am done, she tells you that you can't phone it in. When you are ready to give up, she says when we get to the end we finish BIG, not give up.

See?

She is trying to kill me. She says "I know those of you on day 5 or 7 are noticing more endurance than when you started."

We will just see about this, Jillian the Terrible, we will see.

Day 2: 30 Days with Jillian Michaels

I did it.

I got up and did it a second day in a row. I think its possible that Jillian has figured out how to infect my mind with some zombie workout virus that compels you to go through the motions, even if you don't feel liked it AT ALL. Yesterday, I was hurting by noon and certain I wouldn't be the least bit interested in getting up. Okay, so I still wasn't interested in rolling out of bed but a funny thing happened:

I did it.

Yesterdays attempt with 5 lb weights cause I couldn't find our 2 lb weights, bad idea. I grab two 16 oz Progresso soups this time from the pantry (hey, better than nothing) and get on it. First strength exercise HURTS, have to put down the cans even and just go through the motion (thanks a lot 5 lb weights) but the rest I can accomplish. I still have to modify the modified position but I notice when I am into the second set of three intervals I realize I AM ALMOST DONE!

Whew.

Still having an issue with the cooling down and I head to the front porch with my Cheerios and flax seed. The old man cat decides to join me. Trim the leaves on plants that will be wintering on the porch and sweep off the leaves my neighbors overgrown Bradford Pears deposited at my front door during the last storm. Walk around the block with the boyfriend to stretch the legs. Halfway home I remember my free sample of Philosophy's Gingerbread man shower gel arrived yesterday. YES! Small victories deserve small rewards. Flip the laundry around, eat a banana and hit the shower.

Something is wrong here, you see this? Way too productive before 9 am on New Years Day. Zombie workout virus I swear.

I hate her a little less today but I still think she's a bitch.